


One Last Time

by castledfranks



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 22:41:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10055009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castledfranks/pseuds/castledfranks
Summary: After Nadia's death, Erin decides to leave Chicago for awhile. This is her and Jay's goodbye.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just moving all my works from Tumblr. Comment if you like :)

_**So one last time, I need to be the one who takes you home…** _

_“When I joined this unit, it was to help clean up the streets of Chicago, to give young kids a shot at a better life like Voight gave me. But my overzealous ambition caused Nadia her life. I was so desperate to save her, to pull her down the same path I went that I robbed her of a future. I know you’re all worried about me, but her death, it’s still with me and I’m honestly not sure I can shake it… at least not here. So effective immediately, I’m stepping down and leaving Chicago indefinitely.”_

Her words still hung in his head, ringing obnoxiously loud, as he twirled the contents of his glass around. Sitting in Molly’s surrounded by their CPD/CFD family, watching everyone wish her well, it was great. But it wasn’t him.

How could he say goodbye to her? Who knew when she’d be back. After everything that happened between them, everything they shared - from the good to the bad - how could he just let her go? This time was different than the Feds thing. This time felt more… **finite**. And the thought of not seeing her everyday nearly brought him to his knees.

He brought the glass to his lips and downed the contents, wincing as the whiskey burned the back of his throat. He signaled to Herrmann to bring him another and returned to his staring contest with the empty wall.

”You’ve been quiet.” Her voice set the hairs on his neck at attention as she sat down across from him and pushed a full glass of whiskey at at him.

“Yeah?”

She cocked her head to the side. “What’s goin’ on?”

“Nah.” He shook his head, a sarcastic smirk curling across his lips. He tipped his drink into his mouth to avoid the conversation he didn’t want to have. Not in public, at least. Last thing he wanted to do was lose his cool in a bar full of people he knew. He especially didn’t want Voight to be in earshot if he accidentally blurted out how losing her felt like he was dying inside. “I’m not doin’ this here.”

She reached across the table and rested her hand on his. “Then let’s go.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What? And have you miss the rest of your Bon Voyage party?” He knew he was acting like a grade-A douche, but he couldn’t help it. Venom dripped from every word as the knife in his chest twisted with each thought of life without her. Talk about spiraling. He’d been so worried about keeping her head above water that he wasn’t able to keep his own up.

His words didn’t deter her. “Come on, Jay,” she whispered as he tried to move his hand from her grip. “Clearly we need to have a conversation. There’s some things I want to say to you too that don’t need to be heard by prying ears.”

Jay licked his lips and focused his eyes on the ceiling. He was afraid if he looked into hers again, he’d lose control. Then, he squeezed them shut and pursed his lips in pain before shaking his head again.

She got to her feet and took his glass from his hands, pushing it to the end of the table. She extended her hand and waited.

As if on instinct, he slid his into hers and allowed her to guide him off the bar stool before they both disappeared out the back door.

—–

Jay stood like an oaf in the hallway between her living room and front door. His eyes combed over the scene: everything in boxes tucked neatly into different corners of the room. One was labeled ‘take’, another ‘toss’. A third one was labeled ‘Goodwill’, and he had no doubt that it contained Nadia’s belongings. He ran his hand over his mouth, his fingers brushing the short stubble on his chin. He felt like the walls were closing in on him and he wanted to turn and walk out.

She kept him there.

She walked back into the living room with a beer in her hand, shaking it between her fingers and waiting for him to come get it. When he obliged, she sank back onto the edge of her couch and crossed her feet at her ankles. “So, you gonna tell me why you’ve barely looked at me all night?”

Jay fought his natural urge to roll his eyes in that way he always did when she got sassy with him. “You really need to hear me say it out loud?”

For the first time all night, she smiled, and it was beautiful.

”I don’t want you to go, Erin.” _Welp, the gate was open. Might as well step through._ “Look,” he continued. “I know you’re doing this to get right, and I want you to be happy and healthy, but come on. After everything, did you really expect me to just blindly be okay with the fact that you’re leaving Chicago?” He chugged his beer anxiously before she tore it from his grasp and set it down on the coffee table.

”Of course not,” she said, slipping her hand into his. “Did you really think this decision was easy for me?”

He shrugged his shoulders and she gripped his hand tighter.

”Jay, when I think about leaving you behind… it makes me not want to go. The thought…” Her voice cracked and she turned away momentarily to swallow and push back the tears. “I can’t imagine not being with you every day.”

His own eyes glistened and he reached out to caress her cheek, his heart beating heavier against his chest when she shut her eyes and nuzzled against it. What she said next stopped his breath.

”I thought about asking you to come with me,” she said gently. “But your brother is here, your job. Besides, we won’t be partners, so you shouldn’t be picking up my broken pieces anymore.”

”Come on Erin,” he said, holding the back of her neck. “We’re more than that and you know it.”

She nodded, and within seconds she was in his arms, holding on for dear life as she finally let herself break down. She buried her face in his neck, felt the shivers of his own emotions give way, and gripped him tighter. She wanted to be as close to him as possible, because tomorrow when the sun rose, she’d be gone.

He kissed the side of her head and drew back to look at her. His finger brushed the tears from her cheek.

She laughed and ran her hand beneath her nose nervously before wiping her eyes. “So,” she said. “How about one more game of Scrabble?”

Jay smiled and leaned forward, catching her lips with a kiss that told her it wouldn’t be the last.

—–

The sun shone brightly and Jay had to shield his eyes. He turned over to find an empty spot next to him and for a moment, he panicked. Scrambling to his feet, he reached for his boxers and nearly jumped into his pants. “Erin?” he shouted, running out her bedroom door while zipping.

He found her standing in the window, dressed. The boxes from the night before were gone. All that remained were the bags at her feet.

She turned slightly to look at him, her face somber.

He narrowed his eyes and smoothed a hand over his hair. “You just gonna leave without saying goodbye? What the hell is that?”

She shook her head and hugged herself. “It’s too hard,” she said through tears. He took a step towards her but she stepped away. “Because I can’t say what I really want to say.”

”Why not?”

”Because Jay, it’s too damn hard!” She squeezed her eyes shut, drops falling from her eyes and catching on her sleeves. She groaned and ran her hands over her face before dropping them to her sides and facing him.

They stood in silence, taking in every last piece of one another. And he waited. He waited for her to say what was evident and unspoken.

”I love you, Jay.”

He moved swiftly towards her and grabbed her face with both hands as his lips crashed into hers, determined not to let go, never to let go. He groaned as her hands made their way up his back, gripping his neck and pulling him into her body. When he drew back, he brushed her hair from her face and pressed his forehead to hers. “I love you too,” he breathed.

She nodded, licking her lips and shutting her eyes. “I can’t ask you to put everything on hold for me.”

He silenced her with another kiss, this one long and lingering, as if he were afraid to pull away and end this dream. “I’ll be here. Go. Get right and come back as soon as you can.”

”Will you come see me?” Her fingers drew circles on his back.

”As soon as I possibly can.” He kissed her forehead before glancing down at his watch. “You need to get going,” he replied, wiping quickly at his eyes in an attempt to hide his emotion.

She managed a weak smile as she looped her arm around his neck and pulled him in for one more kiss, delighted when his hands found her hips. “I’ll call you when I land.” She rocked gently against his hands.

As she backed away, he waved goodbye, his hand slapping against his leg. When she shut the door behind him, he let out a long sigh and touched his lips, haunted by her touch. He wished she hadn’t left, but he wanted her to be well; it would be selfish of him to ask her to stay. And he meant it when he said he’d be here. Because there wasn’t anyone else in this world for him but her.

_**… One more time; I promise after that, I’ll let you go.** _


End file.
